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There are days when I don’t seem to fart at all. And then there’s today when I seemed to fart no less than every half hour. Except, fortunately, when I was sitting and chatting with the bossman. Love that luck.

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Wow, did you see Hugh Jackman and Billy Crystal blow big ones together during the opening bit of the 59th annual Tony Awards telecast? CBS’ censors must have misunderstood what everyone elese heard so clearly. Very cool.

This is the way we fart

We pull down our pants, slowly, all the way. Next we put both thumbs inside the elastic band around our briefs and pull them out and down but just enough to expose the gashole. No further. We slide our feet out just a bit for balance, bend forward. BLAM! The explosion is awesome. Fear our technique!

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Fart Central was down this week with some, err, technical issues. The Management begs your pardon and hopes that everything has been cleared, that is, cleared up. Your BestFarts should resume regular gas deliveries.

Best Farts

Want to know a secret? George Bush farts whenever Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office.

A tribute to Pete Seeger

Where have all the good farts gone?
Long time passinging
Where have all the good farts gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the good farts gone?
Girls have smelled them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

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Family Guy is back and boy was last night’s episode filled with farts and fart jokes. Stewie even burst a blood vessel in his right eye from blowing so hard! This is one show that I’m glad to see raised from the dead. More fart jokes, Seth!

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Which is worse, a bad toothache or a lingering shower fart?

Parenting 101

I bet you didn’t know that the Sith Knight has a blog: The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster. Shows off his funny side, as in today’s entry about his encounter with Luke on Bespin, Parenting 101. Vader really writes in his own voice, even using words like farting. Once I read that I knew I had to link this much-maligned, misunderstood man/machine. So real, so entertaining.

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At this very moment I am sitting at the computer holding in a major fart. Can I hold it in? I could but that’s too much work… ahhh, that feels so much better! I love the feeling of relaxation and emptiness right after a gas blast.